Do you know the difference between being wanted vs needed? The two words are sometimes used interchangeably, but they result in vastly different experiences in practice. And for men, it can mean the difference between having a fulfilled, productive relationship... or a bitter, miserable one after another.
We all want to feel special to society, the fellas, and the woman in our lives. And yet being needed vs wanted will determine whether we’ll remain special to them for any length of time.
So, which of the two is more important? This article will cover what being wanted and being needed means in a relationship and what each man can and should do to become more of both.
Being Wanted vs Needed in a Relationship
Let’s start with our main focus at HeartInsider: our relationships with women. Some women you meet in life will want you, while others need you. Which is which, and why does it matter? Let’s take a look.
What does it mean to be wanted in a relationship?
To understand what it means to be wanted, think of the men in our society that women want the most. We’re talking about celebrities, entrepreneurs, speakers—the superstar, hotshot types. What do they have that makes women want them so much? What do they have that the rest of us don’t?
Here’s the answer: It’s a combination of being attractive to women both sexually and socially. These men control their kingdoms instead of being a slave to the system. And to top it all off, they look pretty good, too—they’re handsome, fashionable, and untouchable.
That’s the simple secret recipe to being wanted by women: Sexual and social attractiveness. Luckily, there are many ways to become more sexually attractive to women, even if you’re not a celebrity or millionaire. If that sounds good to you, check out our tips here.
What does it mean to be needed in a relationship?
Now, what about being needed? This is relatively easy to achieve: be useful to society, the fellas, and your woman. Have skills that add value to other people’s lives; you’ll be needed for a long time.
In relationships, we traditionally saw the men go out to conquer the world while their wives held the fort at home. Couples needed each other, which was a recipe for stability and satisfaction.
Today, of course, it’s much more complex. With women feeling increasing pressure to join the workforce, men likewise feel the pressure to be even more useful—otherwise, they stop being needed and quickly get replaced.
Needed vs Wanted: Which Is Better?
Now, what does this all mean for the average guy? Is it more important to be needed? Or should you strive to be more wanted? Or can you be both? Let’s take a look at our options:
When you’re needed but not wanted
You might have heard horror stories from other men. Several years into their marriages, their wives still need them to work, pay the bills, take the kids to school, and fix things around the house—but they’re no longer having sex with them.
Of course, there are many possible reasons why your woman would stop having sex with you:
- She’s gotten used to the sex-less relationship
- She’s thinking about leaving you
- She’s seeing someone else
Most of which, unfortunately, is tied to the fact that she needs you, but she doesn’t want you. You’re socially valuable—but not sexually attractive.
The result, of course, is an unhappy marriage for you, and worse, it can lead to infidelity and divorce. Needless to say—if you’re needed but unwanted by your woman, you’re in trouble.
When you’re wanted but not needed
You might have experienced the flip side if you’ve tried casual dating. You might have hooked up with an independent woman, and while the experience was good for both of you, she didn’t exactly stick around.
You found yourself missing her and wanting to take the relationship to the next level with her. Unfortunately, she didn’t. She may have wanted you for a short while, but she didn’t exactly need you for the long term.
And the result is likewise an unhappy relationship for you.
It’s even more challenging when you’re in a long-term relationship with a high-achieving woman. If she doesn’t need you, the relationship might seem okay—although you may feel a bit empty, a little less of a man, for being less valuable.
Clearly, the best situation to be in is to be both needed and wanted. How exactly do you do that?
How to Be Wanted and Needed
To be wanted and needed in a relationship, you’ll need to cultivate two aspects of your life: Continually becoming more socially and sexually attractive. Here are our best tips on becoming just that.
Being useful is the bare minimum
The bare minimum is to be useful. The fast track to becoming a needed man is to offer kinds of value the relationship needs, but she cannot provide by herself.
You might think: “Oh, so I just need to secure a stable income that supports our preferred lifestyle. Piece of cake.” That’s correct, but it’s not just what you provide that’s important—it’s also how you make her feel while you’re providing it.
For instance, if by providing your value, you make her feel worthless, incompetent, or guilty, that’s not helpful. That’s toxic. She may need you, but it’s only a matter of time before she stops wanting you. After all, you make her feel useless—and nobody wants that.
The right way is to enrich her life and make her feel excited as you provide your value. That way, she’ll need you and love it, and she’ll also be extra supportive of you as you build your empire with her at your side.
Solve a difficult, emotionally-charged problem
We, men, are natural problem-solvers, and the fast track to becoming wanted and needed is to face a daunting, emotionally-charged problem and dedicate your life to solving it.
Doesn’t matter what the problem is. As long as you’re emotionally affected by the problem and the thought of solving it excites you—it’s golden.
What grinds your gears in society today? Is it injustice? World hunger? Is it how we still have homeless people around? These are the types of problems that won’t be solved in a lifetime, but you can certainly leave a dent in them before you go.
Not only is problem-solving heroic, but the excitement and adventure will also make your partner more attracted to you. So if you don’t have a huge problem you want to dedicate your life to solving, I suggest you do some soul-searching and find one now.
Raise your social status
In this divisive age of social media, it’s easy to puff one’s chest out and claim: “I don’t care about the approval of others.” That’s good, but that doesn’t mean you’ll automatically be socially or sexually attractive.
In fact, ignoring your social status may be detrimental to your attractiveness. According to this study, women put a premium on a man’s social status, saying it’s a significant factor in making him more or less attractive.
And so, if you care about other people’s approval so little, you may end up with meager social status—and women may not want you.
How do you raise your social status? Start by working on your soft skills, such as:
- Learning how to make small talk with strangers
- Learning how to carry a conversation
- Learning how to do a business call or write a business later
- Learning how to raise a toast
- Learning how to tell a joke
These “old-school” skills won’t only make society see you more favorably but also make women want you more.
Constantly become a better man
Lastly, never stagnate. Constantly become a better man—never stop improving your skills, increasing your wealth-generating power, and growing your influence.
There are so many ways to become a better man. I recommend starting with these tips: How to Be a Better Man.
Remember, it’s not enough to be either wanted vs needed. You’ll want to be both. That’s your best guarantee your woman will want and need you for the rest of your lives together—and, indeed, that you’ll be happy and fulfilled every step of the way.
Onward and upward.
When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.
