Anyone who says that New York is full of fun, single youngsters doesn’t know anything about our city. When it comes to meeting women, you’ll be more likely to meet beautiful cougars in New York who are partying the night away and looking for someone to cozy up to. So if that’s what you’re into, this is the guide that will point you in the right direction.
Before you get dressed for Flatiron or Chelsea, you should probably start online. Not to do research (we’ve got all the info you need here!). But instead to find potential matches you can meet up with in the city. As far as cougar dating apps in New York go, these are the ones that have always worked:
Site Our Experience Our Rating Free Trial Link 
Experience Highlights Try AFF For Free 
Experience Highlights Try eHarmony 
Experience Highlights Try Passion
Despite New York’s whopping population count of over 19 million according to the latest Census,, the dating scene here isn’t always the easiest. For one, the hustle and bustle of the city make people more prone to hookups rather than long-term dating. With a constant set of fresh faces rushing in, there’s a tendency to keep things quick and casual. On top of that, New Yorkers are intensely focused on their careers. A lot of them are too busy to make time for serious dating!
Still, here’s some good news: there are more women than men in New York. The latest Census says the ratio is 52:48 in your favor, plus it’s well-known that there is an abundance of New York cougars looking for their next man.
I’ve assembled a small team of local dating experts with decades of NYC dating experience between them to create this list of the best places to find them.
Methodology for Finding Single Cougars in New York
The thing with finding cougars in any city is that it's not something you can be good at in a matter of days, especially if you're new to the city. Good thing our team of experts at Heart Insider frequently collaborate to keep our list of recommendations as updated as possible. Here's how we found the best places to meet New York cougars:
- We start off by doing research online about which spots get the most buzz among older women. We then create a list of places that seem popular enough to put on our list.
- We enlist the help of our ground crew--locals who know the city well and know how to find hookups. They go to each location to see if these locations are popular among cougars. They then use their charm to approach these women.
- Every spot is vetted by a number of our experts, all looking for the most conducive places to find cougars.
- At the same time, our experts also use a variety of cougar dating apps and sites to see what the online dating scene is like in every city.
- After rigorous testing, we create our ultimate list of cougar hangouts in the city. Every few months, we update our recommendations to remove closed venues and replace them with new ones that we think you'll love.
The Best Places to Find Cougars in New York
There’s a wide variety of older women in New York, from wellness buffs shopping at Westerly Natural Market to fashionistas at the Upper East Side. What most of them have in common, though, is they’re confident, stable, and sometimes intimidating. They know what they want, and they aren’t afraid to go for it.
As a man, you’re not confined to bars in Midtown. There are a number of places where you can go to look for cougars in NYC, and some of these are hidden gems.
Below are our favorite New York cougar bars and hangouts. Give them a shot and see what we mean. We’d love to hear all about your experiences in the comments section!
The Crown Inn is easily among NYC’s best bars for meeting women
@bindioffdut
To say we’ve found the absolute best bar for picking up women in NYC would be bold. After all, a new bar opens somewhere across the five boroughs approximately every 30 seconds. By the time we finish this paragraph, there will probably be a new Prohibition-themed cocktail lounge in the Village. We understand there’s never going to be just one definitive pick-up bar in NYC.
But if there ever was one, it’d sure look and feel a lot like The Crown in Crown Heights. In the last decade, this Brooklyn neighborhood has become the epitome of cool (sorry Williamsburg). At the heart of it is this classic pub built for group gatherings and intimate dates. With its exposed brick and spacious wood patio, the Crown Inn is simultaneously timeless and very of the moment.
We’ve never been to this bar when it wasn’t hopping with attractive Brooklyn singles. This is one of our favorite places to recommend for a first date. It’s also a superb social scene where you can meet someone new with little effort. If one bar could epitomize why NYC is the best city for meeting women, the Crown Inn would be it.
What Other People Are Saying About The Crown Inn
Justin Rogers-Cooper - Google Maps
“The most reliable spot on Franklin Avenue for beer on tap, a nice wine, a staple signature cocktail. Popular joint, nice bartenders, swell backyard patio. Been around awhile for a reason. Nice dark interior with all the vibes.”
Dating apps are also really good for meeting cougars in New York (at least a couple of them)
The Big Apple is, aptly, big especially online. The SoulMate Index has estimated that there are more than one million New Yorkers searching for romance on the internet. That’s both a good and bad thing when it comes to finding the perfect cougar for you. Here’s where you can go to first:
If you just want something physical or casual, AFF is THE BEST New York cougar dating site (try it free)
Let’s be honest: a lot of people prefer to get laid than to settle down. But sometimes, it’s hard to tell what a cougar really wants. If you don’t want to play mind games to find out, make it a sure thing by trying AFF (which has a great free trial).
This isn’t the site for meeting your soulmate. It’s the site for meeting your next bedmate. Everyone on AFF wants to have some casual fun. Short-term fun is the name of the game, and everyone wants to play. As for cougars in NYC who want a piece of the action, this site is paradise!
We've tried a lot of different options and this has been the most useful way to meet cougars in New York to take home fast!
A huge chunk of AFF users are women in their 30s and 40s. With the huge population of NYC, you can bet you’ll meet a lot of these single, horny cougars near you. Personally, it’s the best site we’ve used for meeting older women who want a one-night thing--no awkward goodbyes, no will-we-won’t-we flirting. It was all good casual fun that we’d try again and again.
To give you a more detailed look at how AFF works and how it performs for regular guys, you can also have a look at our Adult FriendFinder review.
If you just want to hop into bed with a cougar, might just meet her on AFF.
What Other People Are Saying About AFF
Justin T - SiteJabber
“Some fake profiles, just weed through them and don't waste your time. With a little bit of patience you will sure find some real members. Adultfriendfinder still pretty much kicks $#*!. In my honest opinion adult sites like Adultfriendfinder still work better than any popular dating app. At least everyone on here is pretty much forward and gets straight to the point”
J.B. - TrustPilot
“Don't know what these other people are talking about. I can honestly say that I have met a a few chicks here. I suppose you just have to know what you're doing. Aff is as legit as it gets.”
When looking for a relationship, finding a cougar in NY is easiest on eHarmony in our experience (try it free)
If you’d like to connect with single cougars for a little fun or even a relationship and you’re NOT using online dating sites (or it’s been a while since you tried them), now is a great time to start.
Mingling at bars or nightclubs may get you out there and meeting new people, but single women ages 35+ tend to lead busy lives and they can be hard to find out socializing. Often, these women only have time to look for guys online, particularly on sites where they know they’re dealing with serious prospects. With so many dating site options out there, how do you choose the right one?
In our experience, eHarmony (which offers a great trial that you can try here now) is the best site out there for meeting lots of single older women. The signup process is pretty easy and weeds out anyone who’s not serious about meeting you. The women who go through the signup process are way, way more likely to respond to your messages, or even message you first, than any other site we have seen.
We have yet to find another site that makes meeting single cougars in New York easier!
eHarmony is a really popular way for older women to meet men who are into them. Ladies 35 and above use the app to chat with fellow singles and maybe go on a date or two. It’s one of our favorite apps, which is why it’s been at the top of our list of the best apps and sites for meeting older women.
This is the option we think most guys are going to have the best success using, especially younger guys.
Everyone in New York is always busy. From working to pursuing hobbies to spending time with families, there isn’t a lot of room for meeting guys. But through eHarmony, women find dates on their own time. We’ve used this app for years, and we still find new people to date. Sometimes we even hit it off with someone who prefers something casual.
Need more info on how eHarmony works for a regular guy? We’ve created an eHarmony review where you can see how the site works, how you can meet people, and how you might one day find love online!
Try eHarmony and your search for single cougars for you will get so much easier!
What Other People Are Saying About EHarmony
Lee Mahzle - Google Play
“eHarmony has shown me that not only are they a great app for meeting a highly compatible woman, but that the company itself cares about me as a person, not just my wallet. They have truly great customer service.”
Anthony Smith - TrustPilot
“I really appreciate the tips offered for dating, and the point system to see how compatable we are, as well as monitoring for those who do not have the best intentions. And I finally found someone where the communication just flows so easily and I was looking forward to waking up to see if she left me another message and she has. Thanks to Team eHarmony for all that you do!”
@230FIFTHRooftop
Enjoy the stunning view with hot New York cougars at 230 Fifth
As you can tell from the name, this cougar hangout place is at 230 Fifth Avenue. It’s known for a tremendously expansive rooftop deck that offers a dazzling view of the New York City skyline. You can’t get a better place for viewing the expanse of the city at night! It’s also known for small but very pricey drinks.
On top of this, 230 Fifth is one of the secret hunting spots for cougars in New York. The cougars here are trendy, cultured, and classy. You might have to look a little deeper as the hitching up is not as obvious as in other places.
What Other People Are Saying About 230 Fifth
Ellh Chris - Google Maps
“Fantastic sky bar. Drinks were amazing. Ok prices. THE VIEW IS AMAZING. There are heating lamps and blankets to cover with in case of cold weather. The best part is that you sit wherever you want, and the place isn't posh at all. We didn't have any reservations but it was easy to find a table.”
@day.dream.brunch
Top New York Cougar Bars and Cougar Clubs
There are quite a few cougar bars in New York that are worth checking out. New Yorkers like to party cause that’s the best way to unwind after a stressful week at work – and you know how busy life can be there.
Cougars aren’t the exception.
Even though most cougars don’t party as hard as they used to, and often stick to nearby venues, they still like to go out and have fun. Which means lots of fun for you – and hopefully her.
Below is a list of the best bars, clubs, and lounges where you can meet extremely hot cougars in New York:
- Madame X - 94 W Houston St
- Olive Garden - 2 Times Square
- T-Bar - 1278 3rd Ave
- Bemelmans Bar - 35 E 76th St
- Doubles Club - 783 5th Ave #414
- Parkside Lounge - 317 E Houston St
- BarDough - 350 W 46th St
- Plunge - 18 9th Ave
- Penthouse 808 - 8-08 Queens Plaza S, Queens
- Morandi - 211 Waverly Pl
- Prohibition - 503 Columbus Ave
- Peter Dillon's Pub - 130 E 40th St
- Gemma - 335 Bowery
- The Three Monkeys - 236 W 54th St
- Rose Bar - 2 Lexington Ave
- Thyme Bar - Cellar Cellar, 20 W 23rd St
There are a lot of options in the list above, but we suggest that you still follow your own hunch. Sometimes luck is just down the corner at a small pub or even café.
We know that cougars don’t often like to party outside their neighborhood for time and age reasons, so even Jersey can be a great place to meet cool soccer moms.
It’s not easy for a 50 y/o woman to drive 1-2 hours every Friday night. This is why we recommend you get a car, especially if you're looking for something casual on the same night. It's hard to pull home when it's 1 am and you have to drive 45 minutes to get to your place.
In a study by Select Car Leasing, 58% of women said that a man’s choice of car affects his desirability.
“It is not so much the car that is desirable to women but more as to what it represents,” explains Real Men Real Style founder Antonio Centeno. “A great-looking car signifies security, stability and luxury, which are key traits women find desirable from a man.”
This is most likely to be the case for older women who tend to care a lot more about their partner being established.
Apps Dating Coaches Actually Recommend To Meet Cougars in New York
Older women who want to date younger men aren't that common, but there are a lot of them. While some are at bars and clubs, more usually use one of the top dating apps for cougars. Check out these apps below to meet them!
Site Our Experience Our Rating Free Trial Link Experience Highlights Try AFF For Free Experience Highlights Try eHarmony Experience Highlights Try Passion
How To Stay Safe On Hookup Apps In New York
New York natives lost a combined $33.5 million to online romance scams in 2022, according to a study by Social Catfish. Follow these tips to keep yourself safe.
- Do your research to discover catfish. Check for verified profiles. Add your matches on social media. Complete a reverse image search on their photos. Arrange a video call. These steps will help you learn more about the true identity of your dating app matches.
- Look out for love-bombing. Romance scammers tend to create attractive fake profiles then bombard their victims with loving sentiments. Remember, if something seems too easy or too good to be true, it usually is.
- Take note of their excuses. Romance scammers usually have plausible excuses for why they can’t meet you offline right away. This buys them time to build an online romance and ultimately trick you into lending them money.
- Don’t send money to strangers from the internet. It sounds obvious but hundreds of New Yorkers are fooled into trusting online scammers every year. Promise yourself to never send money to people you haven’t met and you’ll avoid these scams. “These scams can take many different forms, where sometimes a single person develops a relationship with the victim over a long period of time,” said Social Catfish spokesperson Osaji Obi. “In other cases, there are elaborate schemes that involve multiple individuals posing as love interests involving victims in money laundering, cryptocurrency, or gift card scams.”
@230fifthrooftop
Meet Cougars in New York During the Day
I believe approaching women in broad daylight is one of the bravest things a man can do – and if you do it right, it will be one of the best experiences she’ll ever have.
“Most girls, if they have even a hint of attraction for you, are rooting for you. They want you to do well and are going to be as forgiving as possible,” explains veteran dating coach Tony Depp. “Some girls may be disinterested, unavailable, or even annoyed. But don’t let that stop you from trying.”
You can approach, and hook up with some of the hottest cougars in New York during the day without having to step foot into a bar. This is coming from someone who found his dating success on the streets of New York from Bay Ridge to Union Square.
There are a few places where you can find hot cougars in New York during the day:
- Sonic Yoga - 944 8th Ave #1
- Yoga Spa NYC Midtown - 226 E 54th St 7th floor
- Mid City Gym & Tanning - 345 W 42nd St
- Starbucks - 10 Union Square E
- Coffee Project - 239 E 5th St
- Mad Café - 43-10 Queens Blvd
- Barnes & Noble - 555 5th Ave
- McCarren Park - 776 Lorimer St, Brooklyn
- Salsa Classes NYC - 10001, 520 8th Avenue
- BAILA Society - 126 E 13th St
- EverybodyFights Gym - 295 Madison Avenue
- Chelsea Piers Fitness - 60 Chelsea Piers
- Manhattan Mall - 100 W 33rd St
- Powerhouse Gym Bayside - 3409 Francis Lewis Blvd, Flushing
- Brooklyn Fitness - 204 25th St, Brooklyn
Sounds intimidating?
I know, but there are so many pros to approaching women/cougars in the morning, especially in a busy city like New York:
- Minimal competition: She’s not surrounded by 10 puffed up dudes offering her drinks, it’s just you and her
- No need for great looks: You’re not competing with anybody. It’s all about your nonverbal communication and stamina against fear
- She’s off guard: She may be at her best, but not her “partying” best so she might be a little more insecure and a little less avoidant to being approached by a guy
- Teaches you mental toughness: Walking up to a woman and flirting with her while being judged by a dozen strangers isn’t easy. But you must practice getting tough and more confident. I’ve done so many crazy/risky things in my life, but this was one of the hardest. Yet the results will be outstanding once you master the skill and realize that you’ve among 0.0001 percent of men who can look fear in the eye and still walk past it.
It may take you a few weeks - sometimes months - to see some improvement. But the results you'll get will benefit you for life.
@230fifthrooftop
The Guide to Cougar Dating in New York
Even though the fundamentals are quite the same, dating cougars is still different than dating younger girls. At 45, most women already know what they want from life and won't find a problem commanding it to the guy/you.
“Older women have already worked through their indecision phase and know what they want out of life and a relationship,” explains dating writer Matt Seymour. “Regardless of what the older woman you’re talking to wants, you’re going to know what it is. She’s not going to cryptically hide it from you or make it some detective game for you to try and guess what she’s thinking.”
You will get the "what do you want out of this" question from women in their late 30s and 40s more than girls in their 20s because they're more prone to cut to the chase. This doesn't mean that all cougars are in it for the ring. Many want to just have fun, but both types will find no shame to flat out put a name on whichever happening between both of you.
That's why where to take out cougars differs from one woman to another. Here's how
If you just want to keep it casual take her to a lounge
If all you two want is a fling, then a romantic night out is the ultimate option. You want a place to build both comfort and sexual tension without much noise. That's why a cool nearby bar, or a bunch of them, should be part of your plan.
These places provide the best experience to date a cougar in New York:
- Monarch Rooftop - 71 W 35th St
- Ophelia Lounge - 3 Mitchell Pl 26th floor
- The Bar Room at The Beekman - 5 Beekman St
- Slowly Shirley - 121 W 10th St
- St Tropez West Village - 304 West 4th St
- Magic Hour Rooftop - 485 7th Ave 18th floor
- Peppi’s Cellar - 406 Broome St
- Flora Bar - 945 Madison Ave
- Amelie Wine Bar - 22 W 8th St
- June - 231 Court St, Brooklyn
- Castell Rooftop Lounge - AC Hotel, 260 W 40th St
- Excuse My French - 96 Orchard St
- Angel’s Share - 8 Stuyvesant St
If you're more serious about dating her then try one of these fun activities
If she wants to take it slow, or if you haven't been on a date in a while and want to ease in, then go somewhere where you can bond together and let her/you find out whether you're a good fit or not.
A few great places to take a cougar on a date are:
- Comedy Cellar - 117 MacDougal St
- New York Comedy Club - 241 E 24th St
- Smalls Jazz Club - 183 W 10th St
- Gotham Comedy Club - 208 W 23rd St
- Blue Note Jazz Club - 131 W 3rd St
- Modern Pinball - 362 3rd Ave
- VR World NYC - 8 E 34th St
- Frames Bowling Lounge - 550 9th Ave
- Bowlmor Times Square - 222 W 44th St
- The Metropolitan Museum of Art - 1000 5th Ave
- Rubin Museum of Art - 150 W 17th St
- Brooklyn Botanic Garden - 990 Washington Ave
- Brooklyn Heights Promenade - Montague St &, Pierrepont Pl
- Riverside Park
@TheSmithRestaurant
Sometimes all she wants is a nice dinner
Cougars are crazy about fine dining. We don't recommend it since it's in the middle of the day, and both of you will focus on the food and how to talk while chewing without turning the other part off.
However, it's still better than nothing. And here are a few upscale restaurants where you can take a hot New York cougar out for a dinner:
- Per Se - 4th Floor Time Warner Center, 10 Columbus Cir
- Le Bernardin - 155 W 51st St
- Craft - 43 E 19th St
- Mastro's Steakhouse - 1285 6th Ave
- Daniel - 60 E 65th St
- Hearth - 403 E 12th St
- Gramercy Tavern - 42 E 20th St
- L'Appart - 225 Liberty St
- L'Atelier de Joël Robuchon - 85 10th Ave
- Momofuku Ko - 8 Extra Pl
Frequently asked questions about dating in New York
Is NYC good for singles?
It’s a polarising question. Clearly, NYC is packed with singles and exciting venues to meet them. It was also named the Soulmate Capital Of The World following a study by engagement ring specialists, Angelic Diamonds.
However, many New Yorkers still complain about the dating culture here.
“No one moves to New York to find love,” explains Erika Kaplan, a matchmaker with Three Day Rule. “Men and women both move here for careers over relationships.”
In a survey by Time Out New York, 50% of men said dating in NYC was a challenge, while 35% said it was easy. So, I suppose there’s no concrete answer.
What is the best neighbourhood in New York for dating?
There have been various studies that have attempted to answer this question. For example, an investigation by Hinge and StreetEasy named Williamsburg as a prime neighbourhood to improve your dating chances or UWS as an up-and-coming alternative.
Meanwhile, a study from the Thriving Center Of Psychology found that Buffalo had the best ratio of single women in the entire country.
Ultimately, there are plenty of single women wherever you choose to live, but you’re best off only targeting women who live nearby.
“Using the dating apps, especially for hookups, really means the need to be nearby your potential mates,” says Adam Groffman, NYC-based dating and travel blogger. “Otherwise, people are just too busy and don’t carve out time in their days for dates.”
What are the best dating apps to use in New York?
A study by datingnews.com found that Happn was the most downloaded dating app in New York. Still, we’ve had better luck with Adult Friend Finder.
Is it expensive to date in New York City?
Undoubtedly. The Black Tux blog recently crunched the numbers to find the cost of an average date in 50 major U.S cities. NYC ranked as the most expensive.
This article may contain affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. This commission comes at no additional cost to you.
References:
Bontempo. K. (2022) NYC named best city for finding your soulmate. Our Town.
Brooks, A. (2023) Most popular dating apps by state. Dating News.
Brooks, E. (2024) How to approach women in a group with a minimum chance of failure. Heart Insider.
Brooks, E. (2024) How to find and meet single cougars in 2024. Heart Insider.
Centeno, A. (2023) Does having a nice car make you more attractive? What a car says about a man. Real Men Real Style.
Depp, T. (n.d.) The many benefits of learning indirect day game. Girls Chase.
Drillinger, M. (2016) Do New Yorkers actually not want to get married? Thrillist.
Groffman, A. (2023) Dating in NYC — Tips to know when you’re new to New York dating. Travels of Adam.
Obi, O. (2023) States hardest hit by romance scams. Social Catfish.
Schuback, A. (2017) Attention, single New Yorkers: Your dating odds may be the best in these NYC neighborhoods. Brick Underground.
Senkus, T. (2024) Adult FriendFinder review 2024. Heart Insider.
Senkus, T. (2024) 2024 eHarmony review. Heart Insider.
Seymour, M. (2024) The pros and cons of dating an older woman. Healthy Framework.
Shea, T. (2023) New Yorkers lost $33M in romance scams last year. That’s not as bad as this state: Study. NBC New York.
Stevens, M. (2024) Experts review and rank the best cougar dating apps and sites for 2023. Heart Insider.
The Black Tux (n.d.) The average cost of a date in each U.S. City.
Thriving Center of Psychology (2023) SIngle and dating? Here is where the most singles are living in the US.
United States Census Bureau (2023) QuickFacts New York.
United States Census Bureau (2024) QuickFacts New York city, New York.
Varinsky, D. (2015) News flash: Dating in NYC is hard, especially for women. Time Out.
Contributing Authors:
Joe Elvin
Joe Elvin is an internationally known confidence and dating coach with nearly a decade of experience. He is the successful author of several dating and confidence books that have helped thousands of men find success. While traveling the world Joe consistently finds new and valuable ways to meet and attract women. Joe has a Bachelor’s Degree in Multimedia Journalism from Bournemouth University and he has been featured in many large publications including AskMen, TSB Magazine and The Good Men Project.
As one of the most prolific writers on Heart Insider, Joe has reviewed over a hundred dating apps. He is the site’s foremost authority when it comes to selecting what dating app works for whom. From an app’s mechanics to its algorithm to telltale signs that a dating app is a scam, Joe’s is able to expertly discern between dating apps that provide value and those that don’t.
Tom Senkus
For more than two decades, Tom has dated extensively and studied behavioral psychology as a way of understanding the complexities of human nature until he became an expert. After traveling as a touring musician and living in more than 15 countries, Tom has cross-referenced his experience in seduction, dating, and interpersonal dynamics with the ever-changing landscape of 21st-century dating. His work as a writer has appeared in 500+ publications (digital and print). Tom is also the author of several books (available on Amazon). In his free time, you can find Tom recording music and cooking the best Cincinnati-style chili you’ve ever had.
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