Joni Mitchell was right -- “you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone”. While she was referring to our environment, it also rings very true for some relationships too. By clicking on an article about how to make someone fall back in love with you, I’m guessing you’ve realized too.
It’s OK, we’ve all been there before. Sometimes you just need a change of perspective that comes with a breakup. To see things from a different angle and realize the things that are driving us crazy are really quite minor.
How to make someone fall back in love with you
Today we’re going to walk through some basic tips. These will help teach you how to make someone fall back in love with you.
It might feel like a major challenge right now. Like you don’t know where to start or that each step could take months. Quite the contrary, at HeartInsider we’re all about giving you strong, actionable advice you can start working with right now.
In fact, once you’re finished reading for the day, I want you to put at least one of them into action straight away.
If trying to make your ex fall back in love with you is too daunting, a little rebound is never a bad thing. We’ve done the homework of finding the best hookup sites and apps so you can maybe start getting over your former love. A little short-term fun never hurt.
First things first, there’s still hope
There are countless reasons why you might be feeling like it’s a lost cause but don’t give up just yet. You were in love before and it can absolutely happen again.
If she’s being cold and defensive, she may just be protecting herself from being hurt. Maybe she’s still angry about something. But even if she is upset, it’s probably something you can change.
In reality, though, you’re probably your own worst enemy right now. Convincing yourself that she doesn’t want this to happen. I’m here to tell you it’s way too early for that decision to be made. Don’t go losing hope on me yet.
Try to understand what went wrong
Trying to rekindle the love you once shared is literally Einstein’s definition of insanity -- “Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
Valid or not, there’s always a reason behind every relationship breakdown. It can be difficult but try to be objective about the things that contributed to the two of you drifting apart. Of course, asking your ex what went wrong is always an option.
It’s not about trying to assign blame. Instead, just try to look at the breakdown and what contributed to it. If there are elements you think you could have improved, take some time to work on them.
Being able to make these improvements is a huge part of learning how to make someone fall back in love with you. Of course, you should only make the changes you’re willing to make -- never change who you are for somebody else!
Be willing to accept blame where you were at fault
In a struggling relationship, it’s common for couples to keep throwing blame at each other. Never truly listening to one another or addressing the issue.
This tends to continue for a few months after a breakup as well. As you’re working through how to make someone fall back in love with you, focus on taking the high road. Be the one to reach out, accept blame for the areas you were at fault and let her know you’re working on it.
It’s not about being better than her, it’s just about leading by example. Showing that you’ve taken an important step toward better communication. Chances are, she’ll respond by reciprocating.
Not only do you both have a better understanding of what went wrong, you’re also more capable of communicating about it. Combine this with your efforts to address your own shortcomings and you’re making huge progress.
Spend some time apart before you reach out to her
Whether your relationship is struggling or officially over, give yourselves some time to breathe. Even though you’re probably in a position where you want to talk and fix things right now, that’s counterproductive.
Emotions are high, tempers are short and when you’re both in this state, it can be hard to stay calm and logical. Taking some time to properly think things through could easily be the deciding factor here.
Be clear about wanting some time to yourself and set that boundary. Not only will it help you get in the right headspace but it’s also a clear signal to her that you’re not just giving up.
Be the best version of yourself is critical when learning how to make someone fall back in love with you
While you’re spending this time apart, it’s the perfect opportunity to work on you. If there are things about you that you wish were better, it’s time to get to work.
When I last went through this process, I had some insecurities around my body. I didn’t love the way that I looked and so I turned the negative into a positive. I changed the way that I ate, set a regular gym schedule and within a week I was already feeling better.
Feeling better about myself improved my attitude and confidence overall. It also gave me an outlet for the pent-up frustration that I had. In fact, if I had posted on social media, maybe my ex would be jealous of my new life. But I digress.
Overall, I became a much better person to be around. I had also become more capable of handling the situation in a healthy way.
The one resource I wish I had from that point was Heart Insider’ video dating course. Sure, it’s designed for dating but it arms you with all the same elements you need here too. A better perspective on dating and a foolproof system that gives you the confidence to put yourself out there.
Reach out, just don’t be needy
Forget about silly relationship power struggles. As long as you’ve had some time apart to think things through, go ahead and reach out to her. Or your ex might ask how you're doing first.
It’s best to keep things simple initially. No need to mention anything to do with your relationship at all. Just see how she’s doing and make plans to meet up and hang out together. After all, this is someone you care about a lot, so it’s natural that you’d check in and see how she’s feeling.
So long as you aren’t coming across as needy, she’ll probably be happy to hear from you. Work on having a calm, regular conversation with her and see how everything goes from there. A conversation that makes her remember how you used to be together might be the key to getting her back even after she has moved on.
There’s no need to go out of your way to be distant or a dick to counteract the neediness. Just make sure you don’t reach out with a, “I’m sorry, I miss you, you’re so amazing. Please take me back.” message.
Not only is needy unattractive but it also suggests you want to deal with this by pretending everything is okay.
Start small. Don’t try to fix everything on Day 1
This is a process that can’t be rushed. No matter what caused these problems in the first place, there will be emotions and insecurities involved.
For you both to successfully move on, you need to be in a position where you feel safe and comfortable together.
Rather than jumping straight to “I love you”, work on getting to know each other again. Even if you’ve been together for years, it’s still an important step in how to make someone fall back in love with you.
Feel things out, see how it feels to spend time around each other and take it from there.
Keep things positive
Positivity is a great way to build that trust and comfort together. It’s refreshing to be around and keeps you both from dreading time together.
On the other hand, if every time you meet up the tone is sad and depressing, it’s just not appealing. It also doesn’t create an environment where either of you wants to open up to each other.
Real conversations will be a part of this process but let them happen naturally.
Be confident -- you are worthy of love
With all the confusion and negative feelings around this, it can be easy to feel ‘less than’. As though maybe you just aren’t good enough to be in a strong relationship.
If that’s how you’re feeling right now, I can tell you with certainty that just isn’t true. Everyone is worthy of love and anyone can be in a strong, healthy relationship if they put in the effort.
Besides, you were both in love with each other before, right? There’s no reason you can’t both get back to that place.
Remember this as you’re working through it all. You are good enough and you should absolutely be confident about it. Don’t be afraid to be assertive and take the lead.
You have to remember, she doesn’t exactly know what she’s doing right now either. If you’re willing to step up, take charge and handle things the right way, she’ll really appreciate that.
Know when to stop
Getting your ex back isn't always going to work. Maybe she has found someone new or maybe she's just not ready to get back together. Either way, no matter what you do, there simply may be no hope of reconciliation.
If that's the case, it's time to realize that the relationship is really, truly over. On the bright side, you did everything you could and you may have come out a better person. So it's not all bad, right?
So if getting back your ex isn't in the cards right now, you may want to focus on getting over her. This may lead you towards a new path to enjoying the single life for now.
Drifting away from someone you really care about is never easy to handle. Now that you have this info in mind though, you have some actionable steps to work with.
This isn’t a situation that’s going to fix itself so it’s time you got to work! Go be a better you and get back to that happy place you were both in before. You’ve got this.
When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.
