Plenty of men want to get lucky with women. But so few know how to get laid in a way that’s fulfilling to both parties. Guys with looks assume that their looks alone are enough to help them get lucky. Likewise, men who have stellar personalities often fumble the approach.
For one thing, plenty of men who fail to get laid often look for partners in the wrong places. There is no one bar or club or cafe where all the women are looking to have a good time. But there are amazing apps and sites where you can easily meet women who just want to have some fun. Here are the best ones:
Site Our Experience Our Rating Free Trial Link 
Experience Highlights Try AFF For Free 
Tinder Highlights Try Tinder 
Experience Highlights Try Passion
As a young man, getting laid felt like a rubix cube. “Whatever I tried, it didn’t work. It was humiliating,” many guys would lament.
If you’re in this position, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Some 27% of young American men (under 30) have had NO sexual partners since turning 18, according to the General Social Survey. Thankfully, through a process of trial and error, I found a formula that helps me get laid with beautiful women consistently.
Nowadays, you can do the same without having to make silly mistakes. There's now an entire men's movement dedicated to figuring out how to get laid. The dating coaching industry has been valued at $100 million in 2019, and is only likely to have grown since then.
However, my tried and tested methods are free, readily available, and best of all, practical.
My Methodology for Learning How to Get Laid
There is no single method for knowing how to get laid, in all honesty. It’s all a matter of trial and error. But to come up with this list, I employed the help of friends and other dating coaches to gather the best advice they could give. Take note that not all of them were successful 100% of the time. In fact, I also took into consideration the methods that didn’t work for them at all.
I gathered all this data and summarized all the methods that did work. I also considered different scenarios that may only apply to some of you, just to be sure. So without further ado, here’s our guide on how to get laid that can work for any guy.
First Of: Dealing with Sexual Shame with Getting Laid
There’s a common misconception in modern culture that women desire long-term relationships before being willing to sleep with you. Look, there IS going to be a demographic of women that’ll strictly believe in sex after marriage. No, despite all the crazy dating advice out there, you can’t actually change someone’s values overnight. You’re going to be hitting up against the wall, no matter how smart you think your lines or techniques work. It rarely works, if even at all.
The amount of shame that she might be feeling is going to vary tremendously based on where the two of you met. If you met her using one of the hookup apps we've had a lot of success with or at one of our favorite places to meet women looking for sex you're going to have a pretty easy time. If you met through friends or work it can be a lot more complicated
However, sex need not be confused with commitment or attachment. It’s perfectly okay to be sexually attracted to a woman and never desire long-term commitment with her.
There’s a quote by entrepreneur Tim Ferris:
"A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”
This is true especially when it comes to setting out expectations and boundaries in your dating life."
I argue that dating is a statistical game. It's a numbers game. There is going to be a percentage of women that you interact with that's going to be willing to go out with you. Out of that, a percentage is going to be attracted to you and are willing to date you. And that’s bigger than you think. More than half of men (59%) who approached a woman in the last year went on a date and just under half (47%) got laid, according to a Date Psychology report.
“You have to put yourself out there. You'll never find your mate if you're working all of the time and you're at home,” says dating coach Lamoont White. “Go where singles are and do things that you like to do for fun.”
It’s not as simple as that. Lamoont missed the final step where you speak to the women that interest you and unashamedly let them know you’re interested in them. A percentage of these women is going to be alright with casual sex, and the other percentage is going to be a conservative no. The art of good game is to figure out the ones that aren't, so that you don't waste time on them, and capitalize and not make mistakes on the ones that do.
It might shock you to hear that around one in seven women use dating apps specifically for casual sex, according to Pew Research data. Meanwhile, a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior shows that women enjoy casual sex just as much as men. These women are out there in the real world too and you can make a great impression just by approaching them without shame. Some 45% of young men (18-25) and 30% of all men in the United States have NEVER appraoched a woman with romantic intent, according to a Date Psychology study. So you can stand out just by having the courage to do so.
“Don’t be ashamed of your sexuality, “ advises sex writer Dick David. Instead, learn to appreciate and gain control over it.
The Hookup Apps Normal Guys Do Really Well On
Finding an app that a regular guy can get laid using isn't always easy. Whether you're looking for your first hookup or are more experienced there are a few apps that tend to give regular guys the best results. These are the ones that our dating coaches have seen guys consistently have the best results with:
- Easily the best option for long-term relationships
- 75% of all online marriages start here
- 70% of users meet their spouse within a year
- In-depth signup and matching process
- The best way to meet singles for hookups by far
- Best results for regular guys
- Over 60 million active members
- Free trial to check it out
- A very good option if you're very attractive
- Top 5-10% of guys get solid results
- Free to try
- Can be very frustrating for regular guys
How To Stay Safe On Hookup Apps
Millions of dollars are lost to scammers on hookup apps every year. Follow these tips to keep your money safe.
- Use trusted hookup websites. We’ve reviewed the best hookup sites and apps so you don’t have to waste your time with the duds.
- Add your matches on social media. This will help you see if they’ve been representing themselves accurately on a dating app. It’s worth putting their photos through a reverse image search to check they haven’t been stolen from another person.
- Arrange a video call. This can help you get a sense of what this person is like and if you have chemistry. Catfish and romance scammers will usually find excuses not to video-call you.
- Look out for these red flags. Romance scammers often engage in love-bombing to create a fast online bond with their victims. They nearly always have a reason why they can’t meet up in the real world for a while too.
- Don’t give money to online strangers. Romance scammers are experts at building online romances then finding plausible reasons to ask to borrow money. You can avoid this trap by promising yourself to NEVER send money to strangers from the internet. “If a ‘love interest’ asks you for money, that’s a scam,” says Oregon Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum. “Do not send a prepaid gift card; do not wire money; and do not send cryptocurrency to someone you met online.”
How to Get Laid: The Art of Being a Hard Closer
If you’ve always been a 'Mr Nice Guy', then you must be willing to be pushy and willing to piss off some people around you. Yes, attracting women and getting laid IS controversial by nature. You need to be pushy and assertive in your interactions. You need to play to win. Women are turned on by your desire for them. You need to be a hard closer.
“A lot of nice guys make the mistake of thinking that a woman will see them as being sleazy or too forward if he shows sexual interest,” says dating expert Dan Bacon. “Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that it is a necessary part of seducing modern women and that women actually love it, appreciate it and need it.”
On the other hand, if you've always believed yourself to be extremely attractive and you're still not getting laid, then it's time to adjust. Only by letting go of the narratives do you tell yourself, that you're free to pull the trigger.
You also need to be actively looking to meet girls at all times! There are some really great hookup apps out there for guys that everyone needs to be using. Meeting girls 24/7 is a huge advantage!
Step 1) Mindset: Take Responsibility for the Situation
There is a difference in the perception of casual sex in Eastern and Western cultures. This is largely and hugely ignored in the dating advice industry. This is also something I stress over time and time again.
Ethics is a cornerstone of my philosophy in attracting women. However, it's important to note that Asian cultures are much more sensitive in nature. If you are too 'honest' in your interactions, it might come off as rude, insensitive, blunt, even if don't mean it to be. In Eastern cultures, you're dealing with sexual shame: relationships, love, intimacy isn't exactly openly discussed over dinner tables.
When starting out, I was brash and upfront. I mean, that’s what you read in pick-up artist books right? Such brash attitudes only connected with women who are more liberal-minded. It didn't really click with the majority of the women in Eastern culture.
Like it or not, women (and human beings) are influenced by cultural values. Consciously or subconsciously, when in their dating life, women are also influenced by cultural values. In general, I don't believe that women in Eastern culture desire to sleep with the cocky funny asshole player type of person.
Look, I’m not saying that getting laid in Eastern and Western cultures is completely different. The fundamentals of how to attract women are similar. However, it is how you actually go about doing it. If you wish to get laid, then you need to adapt.
Step 2) Shame Defence
One of the defining philosophies that were born out of the pickup artist community is the idea that you got to understand the shame women feel around hooking up. In modern society’s eyes, if a girl hooks up with a guy, she's easy. If a guy hooks up with a girl, he's the hero. It's a double standard by modern society that makes sex, dating and relationships complicated and confusing.
This is why women in most cultures (especially collectivistic cultures) are going to be more passive when letting you know that she's interested in you.
You got to come from a mindset that if she hooks up with you, it's your responsibility. It's not her fault and or responsibility at all. If you take all responsibility away from her, she's allowed to blame you or external circumstances when you make your sexual advances.
If you're looking for casual sex, she has to be able to justify it amongst her friends. It has to 'just happen'. They need to justify their behaviors to their friends why they went with you and hooked up with you.
Part of having good game is being socially aware to make sure she's not perceived as easy. This means only kissing her when her friends are not around, knowing when to make the right excuses and being empathetic about how she may be perceived.
I see men using misconstrued pick-up artist routines such as handshakes or using bombastic pickup lines. The point isn't to go over the board with your fanciful routines or a 'high value' portrayal, but to be empathetic, at the same time demonstrating that you are someone with strong boundaries and you have a willingness to walk away.
Understanding how to get laid in Eastern culture is going to take time and patience. If you're not into long-term relationships, you still have to be prepared in investing time, effort, and emotions into the dating game. This can mean going for 2-3 dates before hitting the home run. This means going extra lengths to show her that you also care for her as a human being.
If you're looking to get laid with a woman amongst your social circle. Then keeping your mouth airtight about getting laid with her is going to hugely lower the potential "social cost" of her hooking up with you. This is especially true for an Eastern cultured society. She definitely doesn't want others around her and you to know about you guys hooking up.
I used to purposely take the girl I am dating out of University grounds just for the sole purpose of not letting others know that we're dating.
Step 3) The Right Frame
Let's assume most women do not desire to date down. She's also most likely do not want to have 'casual sex' with someone of a 'lower status'. To get laid, a lot of it is down to the right frame. How can you convey to her that you are a high-value male that she wins by sleeping with you? Are there stories that you can tell from your life that demonstrate that you are nonjudgmental, discreet which makes sex a win for her?
How can you frame sex as a win for her? Even better, can you frame sex in such a way that she's the one who desires it, and not you? The best way is to get her to close you.
To give you an example, you can always pull back after escalating on her. If you're already taking her bra off, you can always put it back on and say "you don't fully trust her yet". You are the one that feels it's going too fast. You are the one that doesn't want you to come off easy now.
Frame control is an advanced concept that can be nurtured. To give another example, you can frame it in a way to get her to 'earn you asking her back to your place'. 1) You're perceived as a high-value individual. 2) She doesn't feel easy. This can be easily framed by saying: 'Hey I can totally trust you to come to mine right? You're not going to embarrass me in front of my siblings right?"
Or... "Hey are you a little adventurous? That's cool perhaps I can take you somewhere after this". In this frame, she earned it by being adventurous and you seed the idea that the interaction may go somewhere after this.
Step 4) How to Get Her Back to Your Place
Now, assuming you've had a great first date, you guys are already making out and the next logical step is sex, then going from there to sex can be as simply as making an excuse to go back to yours. The general rule of getting her back to yours isn't to ask her. It's to lead. It's to make the interaction subtle and socially intelligent. Finding an excuse to get her back to yours is a socially intelligent way to do it. You can stock up on alcohol at yours and then ask her over for drinks.
There's no need to outrightly verbalize: "let's go home and we're going to have sex now". If you're verbalizing everything, you're also showing a lack of confidence and social intelligence. That's unattractive and a turn off for women. It shows that you aren't able to put yourself out there emotionally and have to somewhat verbalize to justify your sexual advances.
Some men face the problem of staying with their parents. I recommend ironing out this problem out with your parents. It's the mature thing to do. I remembered that I would awkwardly drive my Dad's car to my place without asking her if she wants so to come after a date near a bar at my place.
Step 5) Dealing with Last Minute Resistance
The term last-minute resistance or 'LMR' is coined by the pickup artist community. LMR is when women resist last minute when she's already in your room or bed. It's when you're taking out her bra and she pushes you off and tells you "we're not having sex tonight." I've had these situations quite a couple of times throughout my dating career.
Be Empathetic about It
Ideally, you don't want LMR to happen in the bedroom. You want to frame it right from the start. This can be done by setting out expectations in an open and calibrated manner. The majority of men are going to try to manipulate their way into a girl’s pants. YOU are going to be the minority is actually able to communicate and lay out expectations in a vulnerable manner.
Basically, be 100% open about sex and talk about sex openly. This can mean talking about sex openly with her. If she asks you if you see this going into a relationship, don't fucking say yes just for the sake of getting into her pants. Please don't. Have some self-respect and ethics. Paradoxically, it's this self-respect and ethics that get a girl to open up. In my experience, you can say that you don’t know and you aren’t looking for a committed relationship at this point in time. There are multiple reasons why you do not want to have a committed relationship because of work, travel, the difference in geographical location or you just want to explore your options.
Up to this day, I'm proud of the fact that I've never misled any women before. Ethics as a principle is also a value I want to stress as a dating coach.
She's not going to feel like she's too easy if you're honest about your desires with her. In fact, she's going to feel the opposite, she's going to feel you're a human being and that you care for her to a certain extent.
I once had a girl over and she said: 'We're not going to have sex'. I immediately replied: 'Yup, we aren't.' I was totally chill about it. To be honest, it's a turn-off to me when sex is forced or manipulated. Spoiler: she and I end up doing it anyway.
Talk about It
I find that openly talking about some of the objections she may have can help. It is to ask her if she's comfortable with you. Is she looking for a long-term relationship? Does she feel uncomfortable to hook up before a relationship/marriage? What are her values?
For years straight on, when I get asked if she and I are going to end up together: I simply say I don’t know and that is true. I'll tell her I like her a lot and is attracted to her, but I don't see myself in a committed relationship before sex. It's kind of like being in a relationship just for sex.
When you’re upfront and honest about your desires, you’ll remove a lot of the necessary mind games. There’s no need to pressure anyone into doing something that they don’t want to do.
Either that, if she asks you about you being a player or the number of girls you’ve slept with, you can simply say that that’s none of her business.
- The Freeze-Out
Okay, assuming the sex really isn't going to happen. You can try the 'freeze out' technique. I'll turn on the lights and 'freeze out'. This may elicit her to 'miss' the sexual tension and desire it more. This strategy is coined from old-school pick-up theory.
If all Fails... Then What?
Okay, assuming it's way past midnight, and are you going to let her stay? I used to be alright with girls coming over and not wanting to have sex. I even rationalized it as 'at least I got someone to hug to sleep.' That was due to my lack of boundaries at that point in time. However, if nothing is going to go down, I'll politely ask her to leave.
How to End things with Zero Drama
Usually, the male is more invested before sex and a woman is less invested before sex. The power dynamic of the relationship flips after sex. The power of choice that a woman had (to have sex or not) switches over to the man (whether to commit or not). If the power dynamic doesn’t switch, it is usually a sign of neediness from the male.
You're no longer chasing her and she's the one chasing you. The length of how long you're able to stay friends with benefits with each other depends on various factors. It’ll depend on both party’s abilities to keep things perfectly casual, which is tough.
One side will desire more out of the relationship. It's no longer just about the sex, it’s also about identity and attachment. So, assuming you’re not in it for the long run, how do you end a casual relationship on a drama-free note? The solution is to have a clean break or take a break from having a purely sexual relationship. This means setting strong boundaries, setting expectations clear and sticking to it.
Frequently Asked Questions About How To Get Laid
How often should I get laid?
A study from the Kinsey Institute suggests that 18 to 29-year-olds have sex just over twice a week (the frequency goes down as you age), although the participants were all in relationships.
The average American has 7.2 sexual partners in their lifetime, according to a survey by Superdrug.
There are mental and physical health benefits associated with frequent sex, but, as long as you’re happy, you shouldn’t worry about having less sex than other people.
“The definition of frequent sex is variable,” says gynecology professor Rebecca C Brightman. “If it feels good and doesn't hurt, then sex at any frequency is okay.”
Is hook-up culture good or bad?
Sex is fun. There are many physical and mental health benefits.
However, there’s a lot of backlask against hook-up culture. It is linked with higher levels of unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and anxiety.
One in five men have experienced regret after a one-night stand, according to a study from the Norweigan University of Science and Technology.
Ultimately, then, your goal should be to have safe sex with someone you actually like.
Where should I go to get laid?
Most Americans find one-night stands in bars (42%), nightclubs (25%) or on dating apps (21%), according to a study by DrEd.com. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, a study by wedding planning service The Knot suggests that dating apps are your best bet.
This article may contain affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. This commission comes at no additional cost to you.
References:
Alexander (2023) Are 27% of young men really virgins? Date Psychology.
Alexander (2023) Risk aversion and dating. Date Psychology.
Bacon, D. (n.d.) 55 reasons why nice guys fail with women. The Modern Man.
Baranowski, A.M. & Hecht, H. (2015) Gender Differences and Similarities in Receptivity to Sexual Invitations: Effects of Location and Risk Perception. Arch Sex Behav 44, 2257–2265.
Borreli, L. (2017) Am I ‘normal’? Average sex frequency per week linked to age. Medical Daily.
Crace, J. (2021) Sexual regrets: Why women feel more remorse after one-night stands than men. The Guardian.
David, D. (2023) Porn and masturbation: The truth about your secret guilty pleasure. Pawns.
Davis, J. (2024) These are the friends with benefits rules for guys that women want you to abide by. Heart Insider.
Gillespie, C. (2023) How much sex is too much. Health.
Jackson, Q. (2022) Love Match Atlanta’s Lamont White gives tips on dating and when couples should seek counseling. The Quintessential Gentleman.
Kale, S. (2019) 50 years of pickup artists: why is the toxic skill so in demand. The Guardian.
King, K. (2024) 2024’s best hookup apps & hookup sites we’ve tried personally. Heart Insider.
Lee, E. (2019) Dating apps are officially the most popular way to meet a spouse. The Knot.
Neo, M. (2024) 3 signals to tell if she wants you to make a move in 2024. Heart Insider.
Neo, M. (2024) How to attract women in 2024. Heart Insider.
Neo, N. (2024) How to be vulnerable as a man and the power it gives you. Heart Insider.
Neo, M. (2024) How to overcome shame while dating. Heart Insider.
Neo, M. (2024) The critical importance of personal value in your love life. Heart Insider.
Neo, M. (2024) What to do on a first date in 2024. Heart Insider.
Oregon Department of Justice (2023) Romance scams: Don’t end up heartbroken and broke.
Saulis, A. (2023) 15 great places to meet older women wanting sex that work in 2023. Heart Insider.
Sutton, J. (2023) What’s the average person’s number of sexual partners? Healthline.
Vogels, E. & McClain, C. (2023) Key findings about online dating in the U.S. Pew Research Center.
Zava (n.d.) One night only: How Europeans and Americans feel about one night stands.
Contributing Authors:
Joe Elvin
Joe Elvin is an internationally known confidence and dating coach with nearly a decade of experience. He is the successful author of several dating and confidence books that have helped thousands of men find success. While traveling the world Joe consistently finds new and valuable ways to meet and attract women. Joe has a Bachelor’s Degree in Multimedia Journalism from Bournemouth University and he has been featured in many large publications including AskMen, TSB Magazine and The Good Men Project.
As one of the most prolific writers on Heart Insider, Joe has reviewed over a hundred dating apps. He is the site’s foremost authority when it comes to selecting what dating app works for whom. From an app’s mechanics to its algorithm to telltale signs that a dating app is a scam, Joe’s is able to expertly discern between dating apps that provide value and those that don’t.
Andrius Saulis
Andrius, the mind behind Saulis Dating, is a professional dating coach and educator with over a decade of hands-on experience, who shows men how to deal with their insecurities and self-esteem issues, and teaches guys how to have consistently great dates that end up in casual hookups or serious relationships.
He has taught thousands of guys how to master their inner game by getting rid of their anxiety, shyness, nervousness, self-doubt, feat, and various mental blocks and limiting beliefs that hold most men back from being awesome with women! Andrius is also a successful author (Amazon) who has published multiple books on dating and relationships that have been highly received.
When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.
