It’s one of the best feelings in the world. You’ve finally found the woman of your dreams and you’re building a genuine connection. You’ve found yourselves in a nice flow of Saturday evenings at your favorite diner and a little “Netflix and Chill” back at the house. But how long is this “newness” meant to last? And you wonder, “how often should you see someone you just started dating?”
These exciting feelings should be savored -- Never rushed and not to be dismissed.
When it comes to spending time with your new love interest, frequency matters and can impact the longevity and depth of your connection. It begs the question; how often should I see someone I’m dating?
This is one of those questions that even some of the most useful dating books for guys seem to completely skip over!
How Often Should We See Each Other When First Dating?
Obviously, you don’t want to ghost someone you like and you don’t want to suffocate them either. Ideally, you want to find the golden middle between these two extremes so things move forward at a comfortable pace. That includes knowing how long to wait after the first date to meet up again.
That’s why when you start dating someone new, the general rule is to decide what you want out of the relationship to begin with.
Are you non-committal and just looking for some fun (perhaps on our favorite hookup apps that actually worked)? Do you want to find the one and settle down in the next few years? Or are you open to anything and everything and just want to wing it and see where things go?
All of these are very legitimate reasons to date someone. And your decision will determine the answer to how often you should date her at the beginning.
The rate at which you see someone based on your intentions may feel counterintuitive. The more you’re willing to commit, the slower you should move. If you don’t want to commit to anything serious, it’s okay to meet a little more frequently, as long as everyone knows what they’ve signed up for. This is especially important if you want to start a relationship.
Also, once women pick up on your lack of desire to commit and they still choose to be intimate with you, it’s unlikely they’ll change their mind and suddenly think you’re the one. Overall, know what you want and stick to it.
And keep in mind that a date involves two people; one of which isn’t you. Be open and clear with your intentions before you ask her out on a potential series of dates. It sets the stage for strong communication and honesty -- Both of which will have a profound impact on the pacing and development of your newfound connection.
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How Often Should You See Someone You're Casually Dating?
Casual dating involves a bit more than simply being “friends with benefits.” There’s a bigger emotional connection and you both see potential in each other for something more than just sex. This is a great step into getting the type of love you want.
You also find each other really attractive but you’re still undecided on whether you want to become serious and exclusive or not. This can become really confusing at times, which is why men often ask questions like “How often should you see someone you're casually dating?”
Frankly, the best thing to do in this case is to just ask her.
She probably isn’t interested in a game of cat and mouse, especially if you’re dating her casually. Let her know when you want to see her and ask her the same. She’ll appreciate your forthright approach and may even find it a turn-on.
Alternatively, since you’re not even sure if you want to take things to the next level with her, you can take the reins yourself and decide how frequently you want to meet her on your own. Just don’t take things too far and decide to meet her every single day of the week. It’ll just scare her off because she’ll think you’re too clingy.
For best results, meeting her one to three times a week is a great idea. This will ensure she doesn’t feel suffocated and will maintain her interest in you.
The biggest upside to this strategy is that your relationship will progress naturally and as quickly or as slowly as you both want it to. And soon you’ll both get a feel for how often you want to meet each other to keep things at their most interesting.
It’ll be up to you to increase or decrease the frequency of your dates, depending on how well things go from there.
How Often Should You See Your Girlfriend?
Now let’s talk about how often should you see your girlfriend.
Honestly, it all depends on how comfortable you both are with each other. And also on how long you’ve been in the relationship together.
If she’s been your girlfriend for just a few weeks or months, then you don’t want to overwhelm her with your attention. Because too much of a good thing is bad and eventually you’ll both start getting on each other’s nerves, even if you love each other to bits. On the flip side, you also want to see each other often enough to keep that initial spark alive. So you don't end up single and wondering why you don't have a girlfriend again.
Two to four times a week is fine in this case.
However, she’s been your girlfriend for over a year or two and things are going great, you might even want to start making plans to move in together. Which will, in effect, mean you’ll be seeing each other pretty much every day of the week. But if you’ve made it this far, you’re already really comfortable with one another and it won’t be that annoying.
The important thing to understand is that if you think the two of you are moving too fast, it’s okay to pump the breaks. Just communicate you’re still interested in being in a relationship with her but want to slow things down a bit. Especially if you're trying to figure out if she's the one you want to marry.
If her plan is to be with you long-term and eventually get married and start a family, she’ll understand and meet you in the middle.
On the other hand, if it’s her who doesn’t want to meet you as often as you want to meet her, then you must make efforts to take things slow, even if she’s your girlfriend. Or she’ll leave you eventually.
The better you know yourself, the more you will get to know each other. This, along with good communication, will lead to a naturally developed ebb and flow of dates.
Key Insights On How Often Should I See Someone I’m Dating Or Just Started Dating
How often to see someone you're dating depends on a number of things. And how often to date at the beginning is pretty difficult to determine out of the blue.
The fundamentals of a strong and healthy relationship include trust, vulnerability, respect, and security . . . just to name a few. These take time to build between two people and no amount of instantaneous passion can provide a shortcut. These themes are consistent regardless if you’ve met on one of the easiest places to meet single women or just bumped into each other at the mall.
Just because you feel like you’ve known a person forever because the connection happened quickly -- you haven’t.
While rushing into love after just a few dates is a common problem, not being quick on your toes can be an issue as well. If you’re not making time for someone new, it sends the message they’re not likely to become a priority in your life. It won’t leave them feeling particularly special, either.
Pacing yourselves and the bond you’re building requires a combination of intuition, communication, honesty and self-awareness. When you understand this, you’ll naturally figure out the answer to how often should I see someone I’m dating.
Signs you’re moving too fast
People move fast in their dating lives for all sorts of reasons. None of which are healthy. Relying on sudden infatuation can end your newfound relationship as quickly as it began.
According to Joyce Catlett of PsychAlive, some of the most common reasons people move too fast during the dating process is because they have codependent tendencies, an anxious attachment style and/or lack of boundaries. Overcoming these internalized coping mechanisms are vital if you hope to have success in dating and building happy and healthy relationships.
Here’s what moving too fast when you just start dating looks like:
Idealizing or romanticizing the person or relationship
To paint a picture in your head of who someone is and what they mean to you after just a few dates is unfair to both of you.
If you’re someone who loves being in love try to be present when getting to know a person and avoid daydreaming and fantasizing about your future together. This puts you in all sorts of emotional danger, including missing red flags that might tell you they're not your match.
How often should you see someone when you start dating? Don’t commit to someone before you actually know them.
You’re rebounding
Dating someone after you recently got out of a long-term relationship is tricky. Many people are looking to fill a void they’ve not experienced in quite some time. Dating someone just to have a warm body next you is a HUGE no-no. Rebounders are notorious for moving too fast.
Over-communicating
You might be thinking, “Wait, what!? I thought relationships were all about communication.” They are. But, when you’ve just started dating someone the constant texting or sending pictures is too much too soon. You don’t want to end up telling her all about your day via text, only to have nothing else to talk about when you meet up.
It’s wise to keep an element of surprise and excitement for weekend date nights. You’ll have much more to talk about and to look forward to.
Signs you’re moving too slow
The other thing to consider when thinking thoughts like “how often should we see each other when first dating?” is if you’re actually moving way too slow. Where others need to pump the breaks, some need to take more initiative.
According to Scott Stanley, Ph.D., co-founder of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program and author of The Power of Commitment, the one date-per-week rule has fared positively for couples in the early stages of dating.
Have you always had commitment issues you haven’t addressed? Or, have you been accused of being emotionally unavailable? Here are a few ways to address these issues so they don’t carry over into your dating life:
- Know and accept that no one is perfect. It doesn’t mean they’re out to get you.
- Remain as present as possible. Where those who rush in dating idealize their potential partner, you remain underwhelmed. Ideally, thoughts like “how often should I see someone I’m dating” shouldn’t even begin to come to mind to begin with. Because it means you’re too much in your own head.
- Recognize that your inability to commit is your responsibility. It absolutely will not change because you’ve found “the one.” In fact, you’re likely to pass her by if you don’t address these issues.
There’s nothing wrong with taking your time, as long as it doesn’t stem from an inability to connect and commit. If you hesitate too much, you’ll be friend-zoned and your lover will be off seeking someone who takes initiative instead.
Go with the flow but be intentional
Studies can only tell us so much about dating since each individual and combinations of couples are so unique. There comes a point where you simply have to read the vibes. How often should you talk when you first start dating? What feels right and does planning your next date together feel natural or forced?
When pacing your dates with your new beau, here are a few ways to gauge whether you’re on the same page.
1) If she says she’s busy once, she probably is. If it’s a common excuse and you’ve gone weeks without seeing each other, it might be time to abort the mission.
2) If you’ve been too busy but are really into her, that ship may not have sailed yet. Redeem yourself -- women love a heroic moment. So focus more on having an amazing (albeit infrequent) time together instead of how often you should be seeing each other.
3) Quality is as important as quantity. If you’re following the 1-date-per-week rule, a 1-hour lunch break spent together does not qualify as a date. Spend more quality time together to have more meaningful conversations and experiences.
4) If the pace of dating isn’t fulfilling for you, it’s acceptable to communicate your needs or set personal boundaries. Be receptive to how your significant other responds. If she’s the one, you two won’t have an issue meeting in the middle.
When exploring how often should you see each other when first dating, sometimes you just have to feel it out!
Pace your relationship from the very beginning
So, how often should you see someone when first dating? The answer . . . just enough. What that means for you and your partner will be up for determination. The best part is you can fine-tune your dating patterns at any point.
Seeing each other too often? Communicate that you’re looking forward to building the relationship but you want to savor it and take things slow. Going too slow? Try to address what may be holding you back. Once you’ve decided someone's worth your time, commit to making them feel that way. Then you won’t even think of asking the question “How often should I see someone I’m dating or started dating?” Because you’ll have figured it out on your own, through life experience.
Pace your relationship in order to make it last. Even if it’s not your happy ending, do your part in making the dating experience as positive as possible.
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